The $25 Oatmeal Cooker

Giving in to peer pressure usually ends badly for me. And by "badly" I mean it involves painful and expensive (but trendy!) footwear, a hair color not found in nature (at least not outside the exotic bird kingdom), an insufferable concert or a wildly creative explanation/apology.

And so it goes again, if with a little less drama since I'm Old Enough To Know Better.

"I couldn't live without mine," they said. And "Don't know what I'd do without one." And "Really? You don't have one? And you said you.... cook?"

So I bought a slow cooker, formerly known as a crock pot (Crockpot?). For years I resisted - it seemed like such a throwback, such a Grandma thing to have, such an Add-A-Can-Of-Campbells'-Cream-of-Anything. My friend Black Sabbath Kevin (not either of the other Kevins) once said, "My Mom said I should get one of those. For what? I can turn it on in the morning and, when I come home from work, the water is boiling?" Exactly.

But there are cool and sassy-looking slow cooker recipes these days, and even the crockery looks better and less Community College Art Class. More expensive models have high-tech looking settings besides "plugged in" and "not."

But alas... almost everything I've made has tasted like watered-down crap (which, I guess, is better than full strength). The most recent disaster was Tortilla Soup. I had thought that maybe, maybe, MAYBE a recipe with a processed sauce would help. Possibly that was putting too much of a burden on ten ounces of enchilada sauce, I don't know.

Sweetie reduced the soup some to concentrate the flavor, and I'm going to make sweet potatoes, halve them lengthwise, and top them with the fetched-with-a-slotted-spoon soup solids - black beans, corn, shredded chicken, and diced tomatoes WHICH SHOULD HAVE MADE A VERY TASTY SOUP. So at least it's salvageable, possibly even better news for my ego than my pitiful food budget.

I'll give it this, though, the slow cooker makes terrific, creamy steel-cut oats. So easy, so inexpensive, and one batch lasts for several days. Steel cut oats look a little gravelly when raw, but cook down beautifully - and as a whole grain, they are tremendously healthful. Even more so since there's no sugar added to this recipe. The original recipe called for 1 full cup of dried fruit, which would be way too sweet for me.

Let's get interactive, Stinkycheesers. The slow cooker and I are at a non-breakfast impasse at the moment, but perhaps we can find some common ground. What do you make in your slow cooker that you LOVE? What tricks and tips can you offer? Does it maybe sense my reluctance to commit? In the name of Suze Orman, please tell me there's something else I can do with this contraption besides make a wonderful breakfast!

SLOW COOKER STEEL CUT OATS

It doesn't get easier than this, y'all.

1 Cup of steel cut oats (most inexpensively purchased out of a bulk bin at a healthfood store or even Whole Foods)

4 cups water (or one quart of unsweetened vanilla almond milk - I tried it in this week's batch and it's really good, although I'd never drink almond milk)

1 cup (or less) dried fruit

Combine all in slow cooker. Cook on low for 4 hours. Serve or keep in refrigerator.

Some good combinations -

Dried apples, cinnamon, and top with walnuts before serving

Dried blueberries and/or chopped dried apricots, ginger

Dried cherries and/or dried blueberries, and top with almonds before serving

I have my doubts about using dried mango or pineapple - if you use either, consider going down to 1/3 cup since they're both high-sugar.

Stay tuned - my domestic endeavor that's going better than slowcooking is refinishing. Two projects in progress - a $3 Goodwill chair, and these $ Goodwill vases. The "before" shots below, taken outside in our Spray Painting Field.

Tat, as I mentioned, does not consider herself to be domestic.

Know what? I'm not, either. Outside the kitchen I take a museum approach to the domestic arts, both visual (decorating) and performing (!#$!@ing ironing!). And by museum approach, I mean I look and appreciate others' advanced skills but don't actually participate.

Not that I haven't tried. And in a remedial way I can pull some of it off - assuming, of course, that getting paint color right on the fourth or fifth try counts as "pulling it off." In fact, it really was a museum approach when it came to painting our living room. We were at a party at the home of an interior designer, agreed that we loved her paint, and asked her for the details. Done.

After that I'm a little lost. We visited another friend recently who did AMAZING things with her new house. It's bold and creative and it all works perfectly together. I'm envious of people who can look at an empty space and immediately know that it needs columns, a vintage telephone, and a big-ass bird cage.

For some reason I'm nesting in a huge way and I'm tearing this house up with an orbital sander, drill, screwdriver, and multiple cans of spray paint. Things are definitely looking different and - hopefully - better. Heaven knows I'm trying.

So I've been thinking about gifts lately; the talents we're given with the intent to share. Cooking is one of my gifts. On occasion it is truly shared as a gift, as when I made six or seven sour cream poundcakes for my poundcake-loving friend's 40th birthday party. He recently married a wonderful girl who is blessed with an artistic eye, excellent taste, and the ability to make a house a home.

Chef Nancy once said, when I invited her over for lunch, that she rarely gets invited to anyone's home for a meal because people are intimidated by the idea of cooking for someone who cooks professionally. "How surprising!" I said as I ladled soup and sliced cornbread.

Know what? I'm terrified to have my friend and his wife over, even though she has become a good friend, too. They like us just fine, friend has certainly seen our home at its low points, and my lack of window treatments (how do people DO that???) will not change her opinion of us one iota. I need to get over it. Just as soon as I do something about these windows... and the garage sale coffee table... and....

Sour Cream Poundcake

This is a classic poundcake. It's wonderful served with fresh fruit and/or fruit syrup... or on its own.

1/2 cup butter
3 eggs
1/2 cup dairy sour cream
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

1. Allow butter, eggs, and sour cream to stand at room temperature 30 minutes. Really. Have I yet made you jump through hoops? No. This is an important part of good poundcake prep.

2. Grease and lightly flour an 8x4/x-inch or 9x5x3inch loaf pan; set aside. FYI, keeping an old-fashioned powder puff in the flour canister makes this a breeze.

3. Combine flour, baking powder, and baking soda. Set aside.

4. In a mixing bowl beat butter with an electric mixer on medium to high speed for 30 seconds. Gradually add sugar, beating about 10 minutes or until very light and fluffy. Beat in vanilla. Add eggs, one at a time, beating 1 minute after each addition and scraping bowl frequently.

5. Add dry mixture and sour cream alternately to beaten mixture, beating on low to medium speed after each addition, just until combined. Over-mixing will lead to a less tender poundcake. Pour batter into prepared pan.

6. Bake in a 325-degree oven for 60 to 75 minutes, or until a wooden toothpick comes out clean.

Gimme Some Sugar

Well, someone in Atlanta pissed off Mother Nature and she took her revenge. Flooding - and two years ago, drought. And when I was looking for someone to clean the gutters (24 inches of rain is a terrific way to find out if it needs to be done), I came across an ad that mentioned "French drain cleaning," which sounds really personal.

No progress on home maintenance and I'm working frantically on a Federal grant application for work, so I've been a smidge remiss wth updating stinkycheese. Oh, and I'm totally obsessed with home decor and furniture refinishing right now and it's more time-consuming than I realized. I'm the Martha Stewart of Spray Paint these days and I have fawning blogger-girl-crushes on Centsational Girl and whoever writes the DIY Showcase.

Ahem.

As mentioned earlier, Tat has a terrific opportunity to start from scratch and assemble a basic kitchen. Hair stylist, pinup model, tattoo afficionado - she really doesn't describe herself as "domestic." But we all gotta eat - even pinup models - and she wants to be able to throw something together without being dependent on the Lean Cuisine selection.

She asked for a What Tat Needs For A Basic Kitchen writeup, and here 'tis. I'm pulling pictures from Target because they're nationwide and usually have some very affordable options. If you have a Bed, Bath, and Beyond in your area, that's also a good choice and they constantly have 20% off coupons out there.

THE STUFF THAT GETS HOT

What's the deal with the "Gimme Some Sugar" title? It's this - get a 4- or 5-pound bag of sugar (or rice or flour or whatever) from the grocery aisle. You need to make sure that the handle(s) of whatever you're buying are firmly attached, so before you buy anything put the bag of sugar in the pot or pan and see how secure those handles feel.

Also, while you want pieces that have a nice heft, you don't want anything so heavy that you're in danger of dropping it while it's hot. My still-battlescarred dogs would agree. You also want a nice thick bottom on both a skillet and a saucepan. A thin bottom will scorch your food, and it will burn on the bottom and still be cold/raw on top.

A word about lids - clear glass or plastic lids steam up in half a heartbeat and, at that point, they're no different from a regular, opaque lid. Plus they're a pain to clean. Just sayin'.

A small skillet (about 8 inches across), also called a saute pan, is essential. You know, I use mine so much I may get a second.

Non-stick is often easier for cleanup; non-nonstick will give a better, browned crust if that's what you're looking for. Cast iron is probably more maintenance than you want to do if you're a casual, I-just-wanna-eat cook.

Expect to spend between $15 and $30 for a good one. DO NOT cheap out on a no-name non-stick skillet at Family Dollar or Big Lots, because the non-stick coating will, sooner or later, flake off into your food. The one pictured, which may be the one I have, is the Farberware 8" Professional Skillet for $16.99.

What can you do with one? They're perfect for fried or scrambled eggs, a hamburger, a pork chop or chicken breast, cooking some chopped veggies. If you cook for a one-person household, you've got to have one.

A large skillet - same as for the small skillet, and it's terrific for stirfry or making taco meat or a nice big piece of fish, but you don't need to spend the money unless you frequently cook for 3 or more people or cook extra to freeze. If you almost always cook for one, the purchase can wait.

A saucepan - also, as a guy on Amtrak once realized, called a "pot." These are perfect for
boiling water for rice or pasta, making hot chocolate, heating up tomato sauce or canned veggies.

My medium-size saucepan is a 2-quart, and it's the one I use most often. My li'l one-quart is fantastic for my new carb-conscious serving sizes of pasta, making oatmeal, or heating up soup for one. Be sure to get one with a lid so that you can trap the steam and cook faster.

Some lids have steam vents. Isn't "don't touch a hot pot on the stove" about as basic as it can get? I mean, my dogs know that - even the dumb one. And yet, what would you do with a steam vent? Poke it open and closed when it is clearly so hot it's producing steam. No thanks. You can just rest the lid mostly-on-but-a-little-offset to release steam.

Casserole dishes don't have to be for "one can of Campbell's Cream of Some Icky Stuff" dishes. They're for (yay!) baked mac & cheese, lasagne or ziti, and can even do a small roast (2-pound turkey breast, for example, or a small ham).

LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE and be sure to get one with handles! My very chic white casserole dishes are beautiful but terrifying when trying to get them out of the oven.

Searching Target's website for "casserole" brought up some really pricey options, and some less expensive ones that I wouldn't recommend. But searching for "Pyrex" brought up this terrific option for all of $8.50. I still have and use my grandmother's Pyrex dishes.

And a search for "Corningware", another have-it-for-life company, brought up this very nice 4-quart casserole; be careful with Corningware, though, because of the handle issue.
We're not going to get into baking or anything fancy just yet. There's a whole lot more on the market, but if you want the bare essentials, this is it.

As for gadgetry, most of which I'm pretty sure doesn't require pictures -

• At least one wooden spoon. They never get hot and they don't scratch non-stick.



• At least two pot holders - your mileage may vary, but I can't get a good grip on anything with those sheets of silicone, no matter how cute they are.



• A decent chef's knife - it will be labelled "chef's knife" and it should be very, very sharp. It's actually more dangerous to cut with a dull knife, since you apply excessive pressure to it and can't control it. These can quickly get expensive, and I say they're worth every penny. I also like this Oneida knife, and its li'l buddy - $19.99 for the set. But if you have the funds and want to get a really good knife, go for a Santoku like this Henckels for $29.99.


• A cutting board - never, ever, ever cut on glass. Spring for a bamboo cutting board; it doesn't have to be one of the ten-pounders, either. We have at least 4 in the house, and I use the little (4" x 6") quite a lot to slice one tomato or some herbs or strawberries or whatever.
  
• A digital meat thermometer - tremendously important, especially if you're new to this world of "food" and you're afraid you're going to kill your dinner guests with improperly cooked food (I swear I still feel that way about canning - "Merry Christmas! It's botulism - I made it myself!"). The $10 to $15 you'll spend on one of these babies will be well, well worth it. And hold onto the card that says pork should be X degrees and turkey should be Y degrees and so on.


• A few glass or metal mixing bowls - plastic can hold odors and stain (yes, I mean YOU, spaghetti sauce). If you go with metal make sure it's weighted at the bottom, or else you'll give it a stir and send it flying across the counter. From, um, what I've heard.


• Measuring cups and spoons


• Grater - I can't find mine on the Target site, but this is close - mine doesn't have a little boxy-thing on the top and for darn sure it wasn't pushing $20. It takes up much, much less room than a box grater, and I've been known to put mine on top of a saucepan full of pasta and drain the water into the sink. I LOVE things that have more than one use!


• If you don't have one on your stove, a kitchen timer is essential. Many a would've-been-terrific meal took a Hefty vacation after someone said "Oh, I'll just remember to take it out in 45 minutes."
  
  

And since I PROMISED a recipe, and the sugar title has me in a mood for dessert (like I need any prompting) here 'tis:

Hazelnut Crinkle Cookies

3 cups all-purpose flour

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1 11-ounce jar Nutella (also known as "nectar of the gods" or "chocogasm")

1/4 cup shortening (butter or Crisco)

1 1/3 cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla

2 eggs

1/3 cup milk

1/2 cup chopped, toasted hazelnuts

2 cups finely chopped hazelnuts

Powdered sugar

Stir flour, baking powder, and salt in a mixing bowl - set aside.

Beat Nutella and shortening. Add sugar, beat until fluffy. Add vanilla and eggs - beat until combined.

Alternately add flour mixture and milk. Str in 1/2 cup chopped hazelnuts. Cover and chill at least one hour.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Shape dough into 1- or 1 1/2-inch balls. Roll in finely chopped nuts, then roll in powdered sugar. Place 2 inches apart on lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake 8 - 10 minutes, or until cookie surface has cracked and set.

Stuff. Good stuff.

Tat, who cuts my hair (I'm naturally highlighted, of course... yeah), is broadening her cooking horizons. Namely she took a crack at making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, just 'cuz she's bold and sassy and reckless like that. Go, Tat!

She asked if I talk about What To Buy, and Where. LOTS of people, she told me, have no idea what kind of cooking basics and accoutrements and accessories they really need to get started. This was a really good point, and not just because she was waving a razor around my head.

So on the right-hand side, we have a new "Equipment" label - click on it, and you'll be treated - dazzled! - to a few previous ramblings about buying this versus that.

And coming up soon, we'll do The I Don't Really Cook But Want the Option kitchen and the I'm Getting the Hang Of This kitchen. Links, pictures, the works.

The Road To Hell Is Carpeted With Gooey, Yummy Sandwiches

For real.

For months now I have embraced the whole foods, mindful eating, focus-on-being-healthy-not-on-losing weight thing. And I've lost 15 pounds, with 10 more to go.

Then I went on vacation and embraced the idea of incorporating... a little indulgence. A teensy snacky-treat in my day. Half a spoonful of ice cream to sate the Ice Cream Monster.

HA!

In one week:

Chicken marsala

Brownies for breakfast

Several mojitos (not for breakfast)

Salt water taffy (a New Jersey specialty)

Butter pecan ice cream

French fries

White pasta and lots of it (it's cultural. They made me.) In fact, this whoooole Greek Chicken and pasta dish is compliments of Peter's Diner somewhere in South Jersey. It is large enough to be controlled by the moon and, presumably, would slosh over the sides at high tide.

Regular stinkycheesers are thinking, "But you just got that ginormous windfall of farm-fresh veggies! THAT must have gotten you back on track."

You would think so, right? And to his credit, Sweetie did make homemade tomato soup that was virtuously fresh and packed with lycopene and all that.

But what goes with tomato soup? GRILLED CHEESE. And now I'm hooked on sourdough and melty cheddar. Re-hooked, actually. Relapsed. Mmmmm, cheese....

Ellie Krieger's Sweet and Spicy Grilled Cheese

2 tsp canola oil

1 red onion, finely diced

3 oz sharp Cheddar, thinly sliced, divided

8 slices of whole-wheat bread (although sourdough really, really makes a grilled cheese)

3 oz pepper-jack cheese, thinly sliced, divided

1 large or 2 medium tomatoes, thinly sliced

Heat oil in a nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Lower heat to medium; add onions and saute, stirring, until edges are brown. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Place 3/4 oz. Cheddar on one slice of bread. Spread 1 TBSP carmelized onions on top of cheese, then top with 3/4 oz. pepperjack. Top with 1 or 2 slices of tomato, then another slice of bread. Repeat with 3 other sandwiches.

Spray a nonstick skillet with cooking spray and heat until hot. Flip when browned on the bottom (you knew that already).

Abundance!

YAY!!!

It's like Christmas in July! From our friend's large garden/small farm:

Eggplant

Corn

Tomatoes (big)

Tomatoes (teensy)

About 5 dozen eggs (she has chicken coops)

Peppers

A big bucket o'herbs

Figs

Isn't it gorgeous???

Sweetie was running some errands north of the city, and stopped in to visit a friend. She was planning to go on vacation and said she didn't want the garden's goodies to go to waste while she wasn't there. A thank-you note is seriously the least of what we owe her for all this farm-fresh yumminess.

To be honest, it was more than we could eat, too. So we shared the gift with Cutie and her parents. Thank goodness we did, because it turns out only one of the five of us likes eggplant, and that drove Cutie's dad to find a palatable recipe for it.

I'll be darned - it turns out I can eat eggplant after all without puckering up my face or dying or anything! These were actually very tasty - Cutie, Cutie's Mom, and I all had our doubts and we're all converts now. I can't tell you that I'd eat eggplant any other way, but I would be happy to eat these again.

Cutie's Dad's Eggplant Croquettes

2 eggplants, medium, peeled and cubed

1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

1 cup Italian-seasoned breadcrumbs (if you have plain, just add some dried basil, oregano, and rosemary)

2 eggs, beaten

2 TBSP dried parsley (optional)

2 TBSP chopped onion

1 clove garlic, minced

1 cup vegetable oil

Salt and pepper

1. Place eggplant in a microwave-safe bowl and microwave on medium-high 3 minutes. Turn eggplant over and microwave another 2 minutes. The eggplant should be tender; cook another 2 minutes if they are not.

2. Drain any liquid and mash the eggplant with a fork.

3. Combine cheese, egg, parsley, onion, garlic, and salt with the eggplant. Mix well.

4. Shape the eggplant mixture into patties. Heat oil in a large skillet. Drop eggplant patties into the skillet one at a time. Fry each side of the patties until golden brown, about 5 minutes on each side.

The Local Color Tour - Everything Else

After completing the most important parts of trip preparation - asking Mom to bring her famous cream cheese brownies and my grandfather to make me chicken marsala - I made the long, long, loooong-ass drive from Atlanta to Cape May, with a welcome stop at College Buddy's house in Virginia and an unwelcome meeting with North Carolina's Finest about their secret traffic laws.

College Buddy and I weathered classes and finals and being RA's back in the day. I'm hoping we can close the circle by arranging a marriage for my niece and one of his sons. That's a sign of quality aunt-ing right there, isn't it? Anyhoodle, we had a terrific dinner at Kahill's in the South Hill area of Virginia. It pays to know locals with excellent taste, and few things are as uplifting as catching up with an old friend. I highly recommend all of the above.

Cape May, NJ is quaint and lovely and annoyingly quirky with its liquor laws. It had simply never occurred to my drink-with-dinner family that there would be dry restaurants - indeed, an entire dry side of the cape (if I understood correctly). Nothing makes you feel like a lush like trying to decide if you should walk out of a restaurant because they don't have wine... but then, nothing makes you feel like you come by it honestly when it's your own mother saying resignedly "Well, we can leave here and get a mojito."

Mom rocks. She made the brownies, too.

Godmother's, Cape May

Meh. The food was OK - not outstanding, but OK - but we did not care for the snippy hostess and lackluster service. This Italian girl expects more from a New Jersey Italian restaurant.

The Lobster House, Cape May

For our Nice Dinner - we showered after the beach and everything - we went to The Lobster House. This is the first time in my life I said "OK" when the hostess said "the wait is currently an hour and twenty minutes."

The Lobster House compound includes a restaurant, raw bar, takeout shop, cotton mill, Li'l Lisa's Fish Slurry plant (that's for you Simpsons fans), gift shop, ballet studio, bar, gift shop, preschool, etc. It's effin' HUGE.

**Name drop alert** And on the night we were there, Ann Hathaway - last season's funniest SNL host, in my opinion - was eating one table over from us.

The food was amazing. My huge portion of salmon was absolutely perfectly cooked, as were the garlic green beans on the side. Mom and Sis were perfectly happy with their shellfish extravaganzas. It's pricey but worth it.

Pop-Pop's House

And then... oh, then... it was off to spend a few days with my grandfather. A first-generation American, polio survivor, and cook- and vegetable gardener-extraordinare, the man can put together a meal like nobody's business.

I had really hoped to get his recipe for chicken marsala. Of course, "recipe" is a rather loose term where my grandfather is concerned. A little of this, a splash of the other, some time in the pan. Oh, and half the discussion (his half) was in Italian, which I don't speak.

He asked when he had last made me chicken marsala. "When I was in college and you were still living at the old house," I said. Well, he informed me, that was the last time he had made it. Whatever - it was terrific. Best as I can tell, you saute some onions, then dust some chicken thighs with flour, salt, and pepper and saute them in the pan. Then add mushrooms and a little butter, some more flour, and some marsala. Mangia!

We did genealogy, we visited my Aunt Jackie, we ate, we ate, and we watched Lawrence Welk. I was privileged to attend his monthly high school class reunion luncheon with him. Monthly because "who can wait a year at our age?" and lunch because "who can drive at night at our age?" THANK YOU, class of 1938, for the warm welcome and showing the rest of us how it's done!

And on the way back, College Roomie did an impromptu re-arranging of her evening so that we could experience some fine dining at the Richmond, VA Cracker Barrel together. No sarcasm there - I love high-falutin' restaurants with famous chefs and innovative dishes, and I love Cracker Barrel. And Roomie really did make extraordinary schedule adjustments so that we could spend time together.

Some trips are about exploring new places. This was the "These Are A Few Of My Favorite People" tour, and it's just what I needed.

As vacation was vacation from lots of stuff - work, daily routine, healthful eating - here's our energizing breakfast, courtesy of Mom. She's justifiably famous for these brownies amongst family friends. The only thing preventing me from whipping up a batch of these right now is that it's Ramadan. "Wait," you're thinking, "she's Methodist." Yup, but we don't keep sweets in the house so I'd have to bring them to work, and my assistant is Muslim and is fasting all day for the next month. Totally rude to bring snacky-treats into the office right now.

Marble Squares

1 6-ounce package of cream cheese

1/3 cup sugar

1 egg

1/2 cup butter

3/4 cup water

1 1/2 ounces squares of unsweetened chocolate

2 cups flour

2 cups sugar

2 eggs

1/2 cup sour cream

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1 6-ounce package semi-sweet chocolate chips (or dark chocolate)

1. Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees.

2. Combine cream cheese and sugar in a small bowl. Add egg and mix well - set aside.

3. Combine butter, water, and chocolate in a small saucepan. Melt chocolate, stir well, and cool. Set aside.

4. Stir chocolate mixture into sugar and flour. Add eggs, sour cream, baking soda, and salt - mix well. Pour into greased 15 1/2" x 12 1/2" jelly roll pan. Spoon cream cheese mixture over chocolate batter.

5. Drag a butter knife through the batter several times to marble the brownies. Sprinkle with chocolate chips (were there ever more welcome words in a recipe than "sprinkle with chocolate chips"?).

6. Bake at 375 degrees for 25 - 30 mnutes, or until wooden toothpick inserted in the center (NOT through a chocolate chip) comes out clean.

The Local Color Tour - Gaffney, SC

I'm trying not to lose too much time on the road, so this will be quick. I'm en route from Atlanta to Cape May, NJ for a Girls Beach Weekend with my Mom and sister, then scooting over another 50 miles to visit my grandfather.

Part of the adventure, I've decided, is to do my best to eat at non-chain restaurants on the trip (please disregard the fact that I'm using the free wi-fi at Panera at the moment). Lunch was at Clocks Restaurant, in Gaffney, SC.

They did not take the obvious/Hitchcocky route with an all-clock decor, thank goodness. You know, when you look at a menu in the South and see fried pickles, pimiento cheese sandwiches, three different types of barbecue sandwich, and fried green tomatoes, you think "These folks take their Dixie cookin' seriously."

About the last thing I would've considered is "Man, they have GOT to have some terrific Greek food." No idea if it's terrific, but to my great amazement they had a lot of it listed on the next page.

When you eat a good barbecue sandwich there should be a little sweet (molasses), a little sour (vinegar and tomato), a little spicy and a little smoke. What this sandwich did - and I have no idea how - was smell like hot dogs. I tried it anyway (I LOATHE hot dogs) - it first tasted honey-sweet, then syrupy, then sourdough-ish, then a kind of chemical/liquid smoke kinda thing was going on.

A shame, because I wanted to like it. The fries were amazing and the service friendly. They even took the extra step of double-bunning the sandwich - there were two bottom-bun-pieces stacked one on the other, so that the sauce wouldn't soak through the bun. GENIUS.

Thoughts while traveling:

A radio station in South Carolina advertised "Rock Star Dentistry" and promised an unparalleled sensory experience. For real? Because would totally do the drive for a chocolate-pedicuregasm that left my teeth clean. Weekly.

Holy moly, I really am eating nuts and berries. My car snacks are strawberries and almonds.

I've been working on my genealogy for a while and have come across some people that I suspect are relatives who I've never heard of. I'm going to ask my grandfather about them while I'm there, and suspect it's (another) branch of the family that no one's talking to for reasons I'm not yet old enough to know (I'm 40).

My friend in Virginia said there are very few restaurants in the small town where he lives, so I'm glad I've embraced the adventure. Stay tuned.

Really, really local and seasonal produce

So far? Seventeen tomatoes in various stages of tomato-ness; anywhere from "it's defintely a little green orb" to "just cut out the bad parts, it'll be fine."

Mmmmm, LOVE the smell of tomato plants!

Squash blossoms too numerous to count, and five jalapenos. I'm hoping the blossoms will lead to actual squash (or cucumbers, or watermelon - I'm not picky. In fact, I'm still in shock that these little beings are the green I've always heard that these "plant" things should be).

See the black center in the blossom? That's a bumblebee.

As much as I want to pull and use veggies from my own yard, I'm OK with not getting a big haul. It has been really cool to watch these babies grow.

But if I do get to cook my very, very own food, then - even though I don't have an Alaskan river teeming with salmon running through my Georgia garden - I'm making this yummy and SO easy dinner with my peppers and tomatoes. It's fantastic with corn on the cob.

Salsa-Roasted Salmon

Eating Well Serves Two - cookbook

1 medium plum tomato, roughly chopped

1/2 small onion, roughly chopped

1 clove garlic, peeled and quartered

1 small jalapeno pepper, seeded and roughly chopped

1 teaspoon cider vinegar (plain white vinegar will work just as well)

1/2 teaspoon chili powder

1/4 teaspoon ground cumin

1/4 teaspoon salt (a few shakes of the shaker - it doesn't have to be exact)

2 - 3 dashes hot sauce (like Tabasco or Texas Pete)

8 ounces center-cut salmon fillet, skinned and cut into two portions

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

2. Place tomato, onion, garlic, jalapeno, vinegar, chili powder, cumin, salt and hot sauce to taste in a food processor. Process until finely chopped and uniform [Note - you can make the salsa the day before and store it, covered, in the refrigerator]

3. Place salmon in a medium roasting pan; spoon the salsa on top. Roast until the salmon is just cooked through, 12 to 15 minutes.

So You Think You Can't Cook

Now that "So You Think You Can Dance" and "The Biggest Loser" exist in my world, I'm going to have to drop my whole snotty "I don't watch television" thing. Because I do. Pathetically, I try to be home to wave the rabbit ears and that stupid digital TV converter on my 19-inch TV (color, thankyouverymuch) for either of those shows.

I always tune in to SYTYCD around Episode 4, after all the annoying audition footage - you know, where the white Rasta guy calls his dance genre "classical jazz with a touch of hackysack" and then alternates between stylized hopscotch and snow angels (sans snow).

If you haven't seen it - young dancers are randomly paired and assigned a dance genre and choreographer. This is about as "random" as being tapped for a Presidential cabinet post. The dancers practice cute while they're being filmed, then they perform for the judges and America and the voting begins. To the best of my knowledge felons and immigrants are permitted to dial-in for their favorite.

So in honor of showbiz, a ham sandwich with a fancy French accent.

Croque Monsieur
Cooking Light

4 1 1/2-ounce slices French bread
4 teaspoons honey mustard
6 ounces reduced-fat deli ham, thinly sliced
4 1-ounce slices reduced-fat Swiss, cheddar, or fresh Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup fat-free milk
3 large egg whites
Cooking spray

1. Cut a slit in each bread slice to form a pocket. Spread 1 teaspoon honey mustard into each bread pocket. Divide ham and cheese evenly among bread pockets.

2. Combine milk and egg whites in a shallow bowl, stirring with a whisk or fork. Dip sandwiches, 1 at a time, in a milk mixture, turning to coat.

3. Heat a large nonstick skillet coated with cooking spray over medium-high heat. Add 2 sandwiches, cook 3 minutes on each side or until golden brown. Repeat procedure with remaining sandwiches.